March 1, 2004

  • I was talking to Jeff.  He asked me i dont talk to him anymore. and i told him that i don't talk to hardly anybody anymore. i told him why and he thought i was insinuating that i was including him.  he should know why i dont talk to him.  Maybe because he ignored me for the last month of our relationship then just said, i just cant do this lindsey, oh gotta go, ttyl about it. and there was never a leter. maybe because a month after than he starts telling me he loves me and that he misses me and wonder why i become bitter about it.  i dont talk to him because it hurts to talk to him. because he uses the word love very frivolously.  because he doesn't understand that i cant let people hold me down when i want to do something more with my life than make jokes about everything and never face the fact that the comfortable life of living at home and being in high school is nothing, and it's over in a little more than a year anyhow.  the people who havent faced reality or just think that life after high school is a tranquil picnic with cupcakes are really going to be in for a shocker, and im not referring to getting fingered.


    so now im in a bad mood. good thing i finished my homework. im going to sleep.


    i'm listening to a creed song that i first heard when i woke up during the drive to myrtle beach from maryland, the second summer i was visiting since living in CA.  My cousins were all with me and Chris was driving. it was dawn and the sun was just coming up,the windows were half open and i could smell humidity. (something i dont ever smell here)  the stereo was so loud because chris put a nice system in it.  i wasthe only one awake except for chris. and i just layed there under the blanket and thought of every reason why i loved that summer and why i loved going home.  every time i hear this song im in the car again, and i get the same nostalgic feeling.


    Please come now I think I'm falling
    I'm holding to all I think is safe
    It seems I found the road to nowhere
    And I'm trying to escape
    I yelled back when I heard thunder
    But I'm down to one last breath
    And with it let me say
    Let me say

    Hold me now
    I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
    That maybe six feet
    Ain't so far down

    I'm looking down now that it's over
    Reflecting on all of my mistakes
    I thought I found the road to somewhere
    Somewhere in His grace
    I cried out heaven save me
    But I'm down to one last breath
    And with it let me say
    Let me say

    Hold me now
    I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
    That maybe six feet
    Ain't so far down

    Sad eyes follow me
    But I still believe there's somthing left for me
    So please come stay with me
    'Cause I still believe there's something left for you and me
    For you and me
    For you and me

    Hold me now
    I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking