Nadine is going to oak grove monday.

Swimming starts tuesday.

Brittney is joining the swim team.

my mom is upset with me.

what movie should i see tonight?

 

i just found out that someone that i care about doesnt care about me at all.  even if its just a friend, that still kind of hurts.

On a better note.  i had a good weekend.  i didnt even sleep in my own bed until 2 pm today, since thursday night that is.  after work on friday picked up Ali and went to doug's.  After i told my mom i was staying at britt's i went to and get some clothes.  Juan, Doug, Brittney, other folkes and I chilled there until 5 when everyone left except for me and Niko.  I woke up and left around 10, cleaned my room then went to work.  After work i bought a shirt and went home.  I went to juan's around 7 and we went to the dance from 8 to 11.  after we picked up nadine and went back to doug's, Ali and his friends showed up and they smoked but nadine an i rolled to jack in the box.  I really liked hanging out with her.  After we got back it was just doug, nadine, juan, britt, niko, chuck, and myself.  we all sat int he living room and talked for about 2 hours.  but i was asleep one of those hours.  so they kept trying to wake me up.  it didnt work.  when i came to this morning i noticed that mycold symptoms from the past 2 days had gotten about 5 times worse.  so around 12 nadine and i went to the mall, and i asked my boss for the day off. nope, nobody could cover me.   but they DID give me an hour off.  whatever. so nadine and i ate panda then i took her home.  I came home and napped then went to work from 5 to 8.  it sucked.  then after work i went to juans for about 30 minutes and we talked then i got cold and came home.  here i am.

i wrote a poem for english.  the requirements of the poem were; has to be about a transformation into an inanimate object.

here we go:

I walk along with all my friends

We laugh, joke, and run

But then my arm begins to bend

And suddenly this isn’t fun

My friends step back and stare at me

I feel as though Im falling

I grab a tree as my legs become weak

But my toes seem to be crawling

I can’t control my feet now

They are burrowing themselves in the dirt

My skin is trembling and my legs feel grounded

But this doesn’t even hurt.

My arms extend all by themselves.

And now my body is growing.

By now im planted in the ground

And my leaves are definetly showing.

Here I am another tree at the park.

What am I going to do?!

I’ll have to grow in the park I love,

And live twice as long as you!

the vocab sucks but its cool.

hay, this nyquil's kicking in.  goodnight.

fuck this.

I'm thinking that im goign to the dance this wekend and nadine is coming with me..so i call her and she's like "oh i just got grounded today so i cant do anything this weekend." fuck this. were 17 were 18 and these people cant do anything. fuck this seniority, theres nothing that makes me feel like i have freedom but my car.  my parents fucking wont let me stay out one minute past 9:30 on a school night.  they know i start school late and that im not in bed until 12:30, and they know that i get my homework done when i get off of school.  yet they insist on having this curfew, and they love it.  i call and ask to stay out 30 minutes later and my mom doesnt even listen to my sentence before she says No in this stern loud voice.  usually she never yells on the phone, but then i got home to find dave on the couch.  She always changes her attitude around him, becuase i know that he is there to see if she says yes, and then if she does let me stay out he bitches, saying i get too much freedom.  yeah 10 pm on a school ngiht. so riskay!  all of my friends have 10 or 11 o'clock curfew's. fuck them, dave has to have things his way or he's pissed.  fuck him.  he has got to be the biggest asshole of a dad i've ever had to deal with.  i'll just have to stay the night at doug's saturday night after the dance and drink and not havea  curfew. 

i felt like bitching.  im in one of those bad moods that last about 15 minutes.

after work i was driving home and i felt strange.

the past 5 weeks have been nonstop fun for me.  i have been with my friends almost every day.  I dont even think i can name more than 2reasons why i feel so lonesome.  but i do.  I want to kiss someone,  and i want it to feel like it used to; with those little butterflies and that giddy feeling afterward.  But im not attracted to anyone.  maybe thats why it feels different this time..  ususally i can find someone all of the time that im attracted to.  But im realizing that alot of relatio ships arent worth it.  i dont like the same people i used to. infact i dont even know what i like in a guy anymore.

having a relationship used to be something that was common for me.  but i havent felt an attraction toward someone in almost a year. 

I Should quit worrying.  i should calm down, slow down, and let myself fall into something. and if that doesnt happen, i can always go hang out with those friends that im obviously not appreciating.

change is one of the hardest things to accept.  thats why there should be more of it.