RoboLindsey- Broadcast your self LIVE

I wake up. i feel my heart slide below my ribs into my stomach.
my headache returns and I get a little shaky.
I feel trapped and assaulted. everyday.
Im struggling to learn how to suck in my pride. bite my tongue. and be a better person.
i guess sometimes its all about the approach. It's just not always so simple.
i can't explain how small i feel. how wrong this is. and how sorry i am.
i love all of you. more than i can conjure in a few sentences.
i will learn from this &.
i wont forget this chapter in my life.

Finals have brought me to my knees.
I have acquired a runny nose that is merciless.
quiet classrooms and the sniffles don't ever mix.
Money troubles me & Im routinely prompted with evidence of this.
The shoes i wore today make my feet smell.
Im patiently waiting for tommorrow when my salvation and the answers to my questions shall come.

until then, will you buy me some mucinex?

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '97... wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be IT.

The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.

I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.

You are NOT as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.
Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance. Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen."

Today i smiled.

59 hours: 36 minutes: 45 seconds

Hokay, I'll tell it like it is.

On the daily I have immersed myself in "sin" by watching hulu and taking shots in the yellow airplane hangar. I sneer in the face of danger by eating some cultural delicacies. I have already received souvenirs from my journeys which have proven useful in my war against the housemates. I return home on the nightly to my comfy bed and a reality check.

by now I'm fluctuating between 80 bpm and 130 bpm.
My palms are sweaty and my mouth is dry.
sometimes its because of my "allergies" but most often not.

My thoughts shift back to she same place. again.
Instead of escaping im becoming more engulfed.
i like golf.

i like it when i think about this as the most brutal thing anyone has done to my ego.
its a humble experience.

36 hours: 53 minutes: 57 seconds

Faith
I trust that you will fulfill your satisfactions. I will endeavor my vices with more intensity than i've ever imagined. Im playing along without a smile.

Risk
When making my decisions have i neglected my morals? I could author an endless list of actions to be ashamed & this means nothing to you. Get this idea of myself and develop some confidence. Tear it all down after.
I am afraid of the unfamiliar but I enjoy the fear.

Modesty
Interpretation of my being has no place with the likes of you. I have a wreckless desire to please with a bad habit to consume. find me stuck in my own web i've spun with no recollection of how i got there. in truth my modesty should be humbled with my honesty.
and to be honest im nothing compared to you.

29 hours: 21 minutes: 7 seconds

I had a pretty good christmas, i got some shoes i've been wanting, the oteh stuff is just things that i needed. Like green sheets, hair products, makeup, gift certificates, and an electric blanket.  i got a total of 500$ in checks.    i want to use the money to change my room up with some paint and new furniture. im going to start looking for some inexpensive black corner desks.

monday i was driving to work when i crashed my car into someones backyard through the fence.  My back tires slid a little bit and i lost control. its not as bad as i thought though.  My insurance wont be going up, and it will pay for the fence.  my car's damage was bad in the beginning but dave and i made it look better until i can take it to a body shop.

We took the paint off the side, replaced the spindle on the rear tire, and washed it.

its still bent up. but i dont mind for now.

i have been eating a lot of candy lately.  especially this kind:

mmm sugar.

im really tempted to buy a camera with the money i got, but i know i'll regret it when i dont have the money to redo my room.

im done.

-lindsey

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday

Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be
There's a shadow hanging over me.
Oh, I yesterday came suddenly

Why she had to go I don't know she wouldn't say
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh, I believe in yesterday

Why she had to go I don't know she wouldn't say
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh, I believe in yesterday
Mm mm mm mm mm mm mm

i had a good past few days.  i went out twice with a guy named Mikel, he's awesome. 

im really tired, but i have a lot to update.  maybe tommorrow sometime i'll make a full update.

goodnight.