I was bored so screwed with some pictures. here's one.

OOoh yeah.

So it was really fucking cold today. i wasn't enjoying it too much.  But i took a math test, and im feeling like i did pretty well on it. then in chemistry i finally found out what the hell the teacher was talking about.  In Spanish  had a test on talking in spanish. i had to talk with the teach. for 5 mins. that was a little scary.  then the rest of the day sucked and it was cold.  After school i went to the library to wait for my group from history to meet me.  well after seventh one girl showed up and that was lame.  so we just looked up info for an hour an a half and we decided that we were going to meet again over the weekend.  other than all of that today was stupid. 

I was really depressed.  i'd say what it was about but i feel really ashamed. so i'll just keep that stuff to myself.

im tired i had a long day.  i might take a nap ten see if jeph is online. oh btw, he got his computer working.

  For the past week i haven't been able to talk to jeff.  he hasn't been online, he hasn't called me.  like he would.  i have tried to call him and he doesn't answer.  i finally got to talk to him today.  but he didn't even act like he was glad to hear me.  he really didn't care. he was like "oh we haven't talked ina  week?...i didn't notice."  yeah, i have only been counting the days since i have heard his voice.  My emotions pull me down so far.   I wish i could just turn them like he does. like almost everyone can.  he told me how he'd been depressed for weeks, so i mentioned seeing him and he must've not been feeling that, cuz he was like, well i have shit to do, i have a party, and then theres christmas and then there's vegas.  Speaking of fuvking vegas i was like, yeah it sucks i cant go, he's like "it's better your not it just would have been uncomfotable."  yeah, i mean, fuck being around you.  if im uncomfortable i don't want be around u either..........yeah, right. 

He used to tell me how much he missed me and how much he loved me all the time.  He used to ask me when i could come over and how we could somehow see each other all the time.  he used to make me feel like he was really in love with me.  now he doesn't want to talk to me.  he wont ever call me. i wonder how long it would take for him to call me if i just severed all our contact?  i wish i could feel the way i used to, a few months ago.  that night at his apartment.  when he ran all the way to the park on coyote just to see me at 1 am, just to hug me and kiss me.   I guess that feeling is like a novelty, it wears off too easitly then your left with the blunt truth.  I don't want to tell him how sad he makes me, cuz then he feels like that ALL he does.  it isn't all that he does, if i've felt as good as i have in the past, it cant be all he does to me.  just right now he's treating me different.  i hate requiring so much attention. like a child or something.  i should grow up finally and understand that im not always first.

im going to take a nap. im so cold right now. 7am december 9.

I'm eating cap'n crunch right now. it's hurting the roof of my mouth. :[

Both Yesterday and today were very stressful.  Alex and i broke up sunday.  I wasn't particularly hurt by it  until Yesterday when i went to school and we acted different. Although it's deterring, it guess it's better. we really didnt make each other happy. we both knew that.  I have my mind on Jeph too much to think of Alex seriously. And the longer i feel this way for Jeph, i dont see anything deriving from Alex and I.  so enough of that.

I haven't talked to Jeph since thursday.  Guh.  Not Fair.  I hope his DSL or Computer or whatever isn't broken. i pretty much only talk to him online.  I have been thinking about him so much lately. ever since sunday when i saw hima nd all i could do was stand there. i couldn't run over and hug him or anything. i smiled and that's all. i just hope i can talk to him soon. i want to go see him so badly. :

I had a lot of homework yesterday.  Phil came over around 4 and we just chilled. we took pictures.

i  my new journal layout. wee.

xanga

This weekend was good. i enjoyed it. that's kind of why im remorseful about it's coming to a close. 

I Went to nadine's play friday night and it was superb.  Stage Door was the name. the costumes and set and actors were all great.

So afterwards i went with nay to pizza hut with the rest of the cast and we had pizza and a good ole' time.  When we got home we talked in her room for about 2 hours then we went to sleep. and that was that.

at 7 AM Mike, her stepdad came in and got us up, then we proceded to breakfast at Brianna's school.  and it was good food but the hour that it was held at was lame.

I came home around 11:30. I was suppossed to have my project group from history over so we could work on the damn thing. i mean, it's due soon and we really need to get it done. i waited for someone to call me for sirections, because anyone who attempted to come to my house would HAVE to call for directions because everyone does. well no one called or showed. 

So i took a shower and went with Jenna and Phil to see The Last Samurai.  And it was Damn Good. i'd go see it again if i had the money.  Then i bought a wallet and stickers and 2 candles for my mom and we left the mall. 

Jen stayed the night at my house and Phil was depressed so he left my house about 2 hours earlier than he originally planed on. Poor Phil. oh well he's depressed all the time, and it's his own fault that he is too.  He always gets sad when he talks to the chick on his buddy list. im sick of hearing him bitch about how he cant ever passify their bithing and complaining about him. well no, that's quite alright. im done with that shit.

Today jenna left around 3 and her brother was in the car when her mom picked her up and i saw him an gave her a hug and then looked at her mom and then at jeff agina and i ran inside cuz i was so scared.and nervous to be around both of them when her mom knew that me and jeff were together. guh. *dies*

Now im just sitting her and im tryin to see if jenna will consider taking me to las vegas instead of jamie.  i feeell like a total bitch. cuz i am. im going fuck every single thing about my life because im a bitch about everything.

ok well im done for now. goodbye. goodnight.